CHRIS HODGES AGENCY - ROUNDS 7, 8 & 9 CONSOLIDATED REPORT
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ROUND 7 INTERVENTIONS (Letter C)
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@Mr. Brownstone
COOPER CRONK - $3,050,000
Cooper Cronk has reviewed your squad list and noticed you've assembled Lockyer, Kimmorley, AND himself. He's called an emergency meeting at 4:47am (his preferred meeting time) to present a 68-slide PowerPoint on "Optimal Halves Rotation Policy and Clipboard Hierarchy."
Your coaching staff fell asleep by slide 4. Cronk was not pleased.
INTERVENTION: The Cronk Curriculum
Cooper demands intellectual respect. Write a 200-word "Match Day Preparation Routine" document in the style of Cooper Cronk - ultra-detailed, borderline obsessive, covering everything from sock folding to pre-game visualisation. Must include specific times for each activity and at least one reference to "process over outcome."
Fine if refused: $250,000
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@Warriors55
TODD CARNEY - $400,000
Todd's been seen around the club facilities and everything's been going smoothly... until the social media manager noticed Todd's been taking a lot of bathroom selfies again. Luke Lewis tried to intervene but somehow made it worse.
INTERVENTION: Crisis Management Protocol
Your club's PR department is on high alert. To prove your organisation can handle Carney's... unique personal brand, you must write a 200-word satirical "Todd Carney Social Media Policy" document for your club. Include at least 3 specific prohibited activities and explain the monitoring procedures. Make it funny but keep it PG.
Fine if refused: $150,000
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@Wrighty
TONIE CARROLL - $1,200,000
Tonie has arrived at training and immediately started an argument with Brad Thorn about who was the better Broncos back-rower. Thorn threw a medicine ball at him. Carroll caught it and threw it back harder. Your equipment manager has submitted a WorkSafe complaint.
INTERVENTION: Broncos Brotherhood Beef
To restore harmony, you must write a 200-word "Peace Treaty" between Carroll and Thorn, diplomatically explaining why BOTH were equally important to Brisbane's success. You must include at least one backhanded compliment for each player. Failure to satisfy both egos will result in them forming a union and demanding more money.
Fine if refused: $200,000
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ROUND 8 INTERVENTIONS (Letters L & K)
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@Mr. Brownstone
DARREN LOCKYER - $3,350,000
Lockyer has arrived at your club, taken one look at Cooper Cronk colour-coding the playbook, and immediately demanded the captaincy. "I didn't win four Dally Ms to take orders from a bloke who schedules his toilet breaks."
INTERVENTION: The Immortal's Demand
Lockyer demands you publicly declare him captain of your final squad. Write a 200-word "Captain Announcement Press Conference" explaining why Darren Lockyer is the obvious choice to lead your team. Must include at least three of his career achievements and acknowledge his superiority over every other player on your roster. If you refuse the captaincy, you must instead write a 200-word formal apology to Lockyer explaining your treasonous decision.
Fine if refused (and no statement written): $350,000
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@Mr. Brownstone
BRETT KIMMORLEY - $200,000
Kimmorley has discovered he's the THIRD halfback on your roster behind Cronk and Lockyer. He's currently sitting in the car park refusing to come inside, listening to Coldplay and muttering about "what could have been."
POSITIVE INTERVENTION: Underdog Solidarity Bonus
The Hodges Agency has a soft spot for the overlooked. We've organised a "Best Halfback Who Never Won a Dally M" support group and Kimmorley is the inaugural member. Here's some cash to ease the pain.
BONUS: $75,000 refunded to war chest
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@Cces
BEN KENNEDY - $900,000
Ben Kennedy has arrived at your club and immediately started a staring contest with Gordon Tallis in the gym. Neither has blinked in 4 hours. Your physio tried to check on them and was told to "get out before I run through ya." He's now hiding in the equipment shed.
INTERVENTION: Old School Appreciation
Ben Kennedy demands recognition for being one of the toughest forwards of his era. Write a 200-word tribute to Ben Kennedy's career, focusing on his famous toughness, his battles against Gordon Tallis, and why modern forwards are "soft" by comparison. Must include at least one reference to playing through injury and a dig at today's "bubble wrap era."
Fine if refused: $200,000
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@Wrighty
JAMIE LYON - $900,000
Jamie Lyon has been quiet and professional since arriving. Too quiet. Suspiciously quiet. He's been spending a lot of time with Willie Mason, which concerns us greatly. Hayne keeps trying to join their conversations but Lyon just stares at him until he leaves.
INTERVENTION: Country Boy Demands
Lyon has quietly informed management that he expects "proper recognition" for country rugby league's contribution to the NRL. Write a 200-word tribute to country NSW players, highlighting Lyon's journey from Parkes to four-time Dally M Centre of the Year. Must include references to both his Parramatta and Manly careers, and explain why city boys have it easy.
Fine if refused: $150,000
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@Ryno 2.0
ALI LAUITI'ITI - $550,000
Ali has been throwing the most ridiculous offloads at training. Yesterday he threw one behind his back, between his legs, while being tackled by three defenders. It went straight to Andrew Johns, who promptly dropped it because "I wasn't expecting anyone to actually complete that."
INTERVENTION: Warriors Legend Tribute
Ali demands the respect his Warriors career deserves. Write a 200-word tribute to
Ali Lauiti'iti's time at the Warriors, focusing on his freakish offloading ability and why the Warriors should have won a premiership with him in the side. Must include at least one specific game or moment from his Warriors career. Blaming the refs is not just acceptable, it's encouraged.
Fine if refused: $175,000
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@Warriors55
LUKE LEWIS - $1,000,000
Luke Lewis has turned up to training and asked what position he's playing. When you said "bench utility," he started twitching. Then he saw Todd Carney and they began arguing about which of them carried the Sharks more. Isaac Luke is trying to referee but keeps getting distracted by shiny objects.
INTERVENTION: The Versatility Manifesto
Luke Lewis played at least 6 different positions at NRL level and he's sick of being labelled a "utility." Write a 200-word passionate defence titled "Luke Lewis: Master of All Trades" covering every position he played and why being versatile is HARDER than being a specialist. Must reference his Sharks partnership with Carney and his Panthers origins.
Fine if refused: $175,000
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@Warriors55
ISAAC LUKE - $400,000
Isaac Luke has been bouncing off the walls since arriving. He's already organised three team hakas, challenged
Stacey Jones to a race (and lost), tried to fight a vending machine, and convinced
Ruben Wiki to grow his hair back. Your coaching staff are exhausted and it's only Tuesday.
INTERVENTION: Energy Management Program
Your club must prove they can harness Isaac's... enthusiasm. Write a 200-word "Isaac Luke Energy Management Plan" outlining how your club will channel his hyperactivity into on-field productivity. Must include at least one team-building activity, one dietary restriction, and acknowledge his role in Warriors-Rabbitohs history.
Fine if refused: $125,000
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ROUND 9 INTERVENTIONS (Letters G, E, A)
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@Ryno 2.0
PAUL GALLEN - $750,000
Gallen has arrived and immediately started a podcast in the changing rooms. He's already called out three of your players, questioned the coaching staff's credentials, challenged Andrew Johns to a boxing match (Johns declined citing "bad shoulders"), and demanded to know why he isn't captain yet.
INTERVENTION: Captain Controversy
Gallen demands the captaincy. Write a 200-word announcement naming Paul Gallen as your captain, OR write a 200-word explanation of why someone else deserves it more (good luck with that conversation). If naming him captain, must include references to his NSW Origin legacy and acknowledge him as "the greatest forward of his generation." If refusing, must be brave enough to tag him. $250,000 bonus will be added to your available funds if you acknowledge him as your captain (this cannot be changed later on).
Fine if refused AND no explanation: $200,000
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@Naumaifooty
MARK GASNIER - $950,000
Gasnier has arrived looking like he stepped off a GQ photoshoot. Craig Wing sprinted over to greet his old Dragons teammate and they've been inseparable since. Sonny Bill tried to organise a "handsome players only" dinner but Gasnier said he had "prior commitments" (there were none - he just didn't want to go).
INTERVENTION: Red V Reunion Demands
Gasnier and Wing have been reminiscing about the Dragons glory days and now demand official recognition. Write a 200-word "Dragons Reunion Press Release" announcing the Gasnier-Wing partnership to your squad, highlighting their St. George Illawarra achievements and explaining why the Red V connection makes your team better. Must include at least one reference to their representative careers.
Fine if refused: $175,000
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@Cces
RYAN GIRDLER - $350,000
Girdler has arrived and immediately started practicing goal kicks from impossible angles. Craig Gower wandered over and they embraced like long-lost brothers. Then Girdler said "I carried that Panthers backline" and Gower threw a ball at his head. Tom Trbojevic tried to calm things down but he's too handsome to be taken seriously in conflict resolution.
POSITIVE INTERVENTION: Panthers Brotherhood Bonus/Sweepstake Winner
Despite the ball-throwing incident, the Hodges Agency is genuinely moved to see the Girdler-Gower Panthers partnership reunited. A Penrith Old Boys sponsor has come on board and vouched to cover the full cost of the contract behind the scenes. Full $350,000 refunded (minus $200,000 agency fee). Please add $150,000 bonus to your available funds.
BONUS: $150,000 refunded to war chest
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@Cces
CRAIG GOWER - $250,000
Gower has been mostly well-behaved since arriving, though he did get into a heated debate with Justin Hodges about "who had the better flow in 2003." Gordon Tallis had to physically separate them. Girdler filmed the whole thing and is threatening to post it on social media unless Gower admits he was "the better Panther."
INTERVENTION: The Gower Guarantee
Craig Gower's colourful history requires careful management. Write a 200-word "Character Reference" for Craig Gower, suitable for presentation to the NRL Integrity Unit. Must highlight his on-field brilliance alongside Girdler at Penrith while using creative euphemisms to address his "occasionally controversial" off-field moments. Points awarded for diplomacy.
Fine if refused: $125,000
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All tasks must be completed by end of Round 10 bidding.
- Chris Hodges
Hodges Agency
"Building dynasties, one bruised ego at a time."
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#1 - MR. BROWNSTONE'S EMPIRE
Good luck
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