Breaking: Hawaii Hammerheads Cornering the Hooker Market
Sources close to the Hammerheads front office confirm what the numbers already tell us — Hawaii is absolutely loaded with hookers.
Franchise owner Inruin has splashed a combined $1,464,000 on not one but TWO hookers in the first two rounds, securing
Wayde Egan
($511k) and
Nathan Fien ($953k). For context, that's more than some franchises have spent on their entire roster.
But it gets worse.
Their highest-paid player —
Lance Hohaia, signed for a whopping $1,079,000 as a fullback — can also play hooker. That's potentially
THREE hookers on the books, totalling $2,543,000. That's a quarter of the salary cap tied up in the hooker position. On a team that
still doesn't have a halfback.
When reached for comment, rival franchise owners expressed concern about the strategy. "What exactly is going on over there in
Hawaii?" asked one bewildered GM. "Most of us are trying to build a balanced squad. He's out there collecting hookers like they're
Pokemon cards."
The question on everyone's lips — is Inruin building a rugby league franchise, or running some kind of operation out of Waikiki?
"First one's always cheap," noted one scout, pointing to
Egan's relatively modest $511k price tag. "Then before you know it, you're
paying nearly a million for the next one. Classic escalation. And now he's paying over a million for blokes who can moonlight as
hookers? The man needs an intervention."
Meanwhile, Las Vegas Knights owner Billyspleen75 — who has exactly zero hookers on his roster — was reportedly seen shaking his head.
"I can't even get ONE hooker and this bloke's got three? In THIS economy?"
League insiders note that with 38 hookers in the player pool and only 8 starting spots across the comp, Hawaii now controls a
disproportionate share of the elite hooker market. Some are calling it strategic depth. Others are calling it a cry for help.
At press time, Inruin was seen browsing the Round 4 player list, where hookers
Syd Eru (86) and
Aaron Heremaia (83) are available.
League officials have been placed on high alert.
The Hammerheads declined to comment on rumours of a fourth hooker acquisition, stating only: "We believe in depth at the position."
