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What's the difference between a Magic wand and a policeman's baton?
Ones for performing cunning stunts and the others for Stunning Cunts
Ones for performing cunning stunts and the others for Stunning Cunts
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I'm not racist but this a good joke
A polynesian family immigrated to New Zealand and the first night they sat down for tea.
The husband goes "Honey can you pass me the Bucca,"
The wife goes: "no no we are in NZ now it's pronounced Butter,"
The husband goes "Oh okay, can you please pass me the Bucca,"
The wife goes, "No no, in NZ it's called Butter,"
The husband goes: "Oh okay, can you please pass me the Butter,"
The wife getting pissed off goes, "No, no, we live in NZ now, it's called Butter."
The husband nods, "Oh okay, well then ccan you please pass me the Butter,"
The wife responds "That's Becca" (Better)
A polynesian family immigrated to New Zealand and the first night they sat down for tea.
The husband goes "Honey can you pass me the Bucca,"
The wife goes: "no no we are in NZ now it's pronounced Butter,"
The husband goes "Oh okay, can you please pass me the Bucca,"
The wife goes, "No no, in NZ it's called Butter,"
The husband goes: "Oh okay, can you please pass me the Butter,"
The wife getting pissed off goes, "No, no, we live in NZ now, it's called Butter."
The husband nods, "Oh okay, well then ccan you please pass me the Butter,"
The wife responds "That's Becca" (Better)
Worried2Death
Contributor
True story, when I was 18 I went round to see my mate Sole and his dad said "he's gone to the universe", I thought he was dead, and actually grieved him until I saw him about a month later and we worked out he was at uni when I went round.
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John Nick
Contributor
Many years ago I was working in an office with a female assistant who operated a company telex machine.
The big boss asked her to send a birthday greeting to his uncle who lived in Taranaki.
The problem was his uncles name was Angus and she had sent the message and gave our boss the receipted script.
Unfortunately she had left the "g" out of Angus.
Went something like Happy birthday Anus
The big boss asked her to send a birthday greeting to his uncle who lived in Taranaki.
The problem was his uncles name was Angus and she had sent the message and gave our boss the receipted script.
Unfortunately she had left the "g" out of Angus.
Went something like Happy birthday Anus
Worried2Death
Contributor
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Living in a small town we used to have silly shit like this happen often. Probably not to the extent you thought someone was dead. A lot with people can't pronounce something or spelt something totally wrong. Or misinterpret something and tell a lot of people something totally wrong. I can't remember a lot of them.
As the Warriors were starting and signing guys I hadn't seen my best mate for since our season finished. He went off to under 17 rep games. I was still in school so didn't seem him around. I was in the local sports store and a guy a few years older than me told me he signed for the Warriors. My father even told me he signed with the Warriors. My father got told by his father as they worked at the same place. I come out of school one day and my mate is with one of our other mates about to go to a house to do some weights. So I head over to do some and hang out. I asked him if he signed for the Warriors. Got told "Not you to. Who told you?" I responded "My father, he said your old man told him".
All of that confusion for a DB Bitter scholarship which was a mission to get sorted out. He was supposed to have a gym membership and ended up training at my place.
He brought his boxing bag over. I was keen but without any gloves it was too hard. One day he's punching it and stops and says "We should get some gloves". I'm thinking he must be getting sore hands. He responds "We can have a fight". They have weight classes in boxing for a reason. I would of struggled to be 65kgs at the time. He was 110kgs. Sure it was good if I got into a fight with people my age but not knowing a thing about boxing that would of been ridiculous.
A pity I'm old now and can't remember most of it. It used to be walk around school or town and you'd come across some characters. The first time one of my mates met one of my league coaches the coach was stoned out of his mind and asked me "What did you said". I got harassed for a while after that about these bright people coaching us.
Mind you a few years later we had a coach whose bright idea was to call the plays by our jersey numbers. Each week the opposition would figure it out quickly so you'd be getting gang tackled if it was just your number as they knew you won't be passing it. He'd be telling us to stick to the game plan, its a good plan.
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A friend of mine went on holiday to NZ.
As he was driving down a country lane he saw a farmer having it off with a sheep.
He pulls over and says 'mate in Australia we Shear those' and the kiwi looks up and replies ' mate I'm not sharing this with anyone!'
As he was driving down a country lane he saw a farmer having it off with a sheep.
He pulls over and says 'mate in Australia we Shear those' and the kiwi looks up and replies ' mate I'm not sharing this with anyone!'
hello, all. My name is Patrick - although my mother wanted to call me Justin........as a reminder of my conception.
I woke up this morning to see a fairy hovering at the end of my bed.
"Good morning, sir!" The fairy chirply said. "I have come to grant you one wish."
"Sweet!" I said. "I want to live forever."
The fairy lowered her wand and shook her head. "Sorry, love. I can't grant wishes like that."
"Fair enough," I said. "How's this. I want to die the day after the Wests Tigers play their next NRL finals game."
The fairy screamed "You cheeky prick!" and waved her wand...
"Good morning, sir!" The fairy chirply said. "I have come to grant you one wish."
"Sweet!" I said. "I want to live forever."
The fairy lowered her wand and shook her head. "Sorry, love. I can't grant wishes like that."
"Fair enough," I said. "How's this. I want to die the day after the Wests Tigers play their next NRL finals game."
The fairy screamed "You cheeky prick!" and waved her wand...
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Matiunz
Contributor
Had an accent misunderstanding when I first moved to Aus. Was doing some cleaning one weekend cleaning our balcony that hadn’t really been used for the winter.
My workmates jaw dropped when asked what I did that weekend proceeded to tell him I’d spent ages “cleaning the shit off my deck”
My workmates jaw dropped when asked what I did that weekend proceeded to tell him I’d spent ages “cleaning the shit off my deck”
Worried2Death
Contributor
Worst jokes in the world thread
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