General Mental Health

Miket12

Warriors 1st Grader
Apr 20, 2012
9,198
I’ve got permission from a friend to share his story in the hope that others might seek help if they feel the pressures are getting to much or so you might recognise the signs I missed in him so you might get help for a friend before it gets to late.

Because of work pressures, a very sick child and financial stress, a very close friend chose a couple of weeks ago to drive to a quiet part of the city and try to overdose on sleeping pills and a bottle of red wine.- and he never drinks. When that failed, he tried pain killers and more wine. After that failed, he eventually drove home... 30 hours after leaving home.

Now, somethings are amazing that he’s still alive.... the amount of pills he took would have apparently taken down a horse.... especially when mixed with the alcohol - 12 pills is supposed to be enough to kill you, he took 24!!!! Driving around Auckland during rush hour, it’s a miracle he didn’t kill himself or some one else. And, people in his state, it’s very, very rare they find their way back home. The police had a APB bulletin on him and even had Eagle up looking for his car because his disappearance was so out of character.

He’s now getting counselling and the help he should have found before to help sort out his finances. Part of that was to go down to his bank and get hold of bank statements for his business he’d thrown away.

Some well meaning customer service person from the bank saw him waiting in the queue for a teller and asked if she could help him. He explained that he was there to get copies of his statements. Of she starts on about internet banking and he could print them off himself. By now, he’s starting to get a little annoyed at her and says no, that he just needs them printed off. She says that there would be a fee and he could just do them at home.

By now he’s pissed off and looks her straight in the eye and says, this time last week, I tried to killed myself... all I want is for someone to print of my statements so I can do my tax returns. After the security guard had moved a lot closer, she got one of the tellers to print them off quickly and free of charge.

Anyway, here’s some of the things me and others of his friends missed which you might notice in someone you know and could mean they need your help:
He started to withdraw from his friends and family.
He found it harder and harder to deal with things and would compartmentalise those things he couldn’t deal with.
He always took care of himself but, looking back, we could see where he didn’t seem to care anymore.
He started talking about how others would get on without him.
He found it hard to concentrate.

If you know someone like that, see if they need help. Of course, I’m no mental health expert and others will show different things, but these are what we noticed in him had changed and looking back, should have acted on.

On a side note, the cops were amazing ..... they were constantly in touch with his partner informing them of their progress including finding out about any of his clients who may have had an abandoned building he may have gone too. At one stage, he accidentally phoned home so she dialed 111 after she saw his number come up on caller ID, then she phoned the Sergeant from the local station she’d been dealing with and it had already come up on his computer and he was trying to ping my friend’s cellphone to get a location - didn’t work though as he kept turning it off.
 
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gREVUS

Long live the Rainbows and Butterflies
Contributor
May 8, 2012
8,384
I have a different story. One that has left me very confused and unsure what to do.

I have a friend who lives in Auckland. As you know im in Australia, first part of what makes this difficult.
My friend lives alone in a paid off Apartment just out of the city center. He has no job. He used to contract in IT, and built up savings and a small inheritance means that he has no need to work. However he lives very frugally.
Hes not the most likeable person. Has never to my knowledge had a long term relationship. But hes one of my oldest mates.
He loves being around children and was amazing with mine.
Hes adopted and the marriage fell apart. He was also adopted because they couldnt have kids, and then they had two and has been made to feel like an outsider for many many years.
His brother and sister have both stolen from him.
After paying off his mothers house, her boyfriend moved in and cut him out of her life. They no longer talk.
This is a man whos has cut himself off from everyone. Including me.

I got him to see a doctor who sent him to a shrink. The story he told me was that the shrink told him there was nothing wrong with him and he should get a life (my words and much simplified). It didnt go down well. The doctor had put him on antidepressants and he claimed this adversely affected him and took himself off them. Now he claims extreme Tinnitus from them as a side effect that has not gone away. Its my fault for recommending the dr. Its the drs fault for supplying them. and he hates the shrink.

Recently he told me that if suicide was painless he would have already done it by now. He told me about an assisted suicide clinic in Switzerland that he was thinking of going to. He has had some medical issues but most are resolved and i doubt they would help him. However to make sure that he knew how things stood, while i told him i thought he was wrong for wanting to do this, I said that as i have always been pro choice that i would go with him and stand by his bed as it happened just so he knew that no matter what he was never alone.

He wont come and live here in Aus. Just a blanket no.

My idea seemed to buy a few months but i didnt hear much from him. I thought if i sent him regular updates on what was happening here that it would help him feel part of something.

I got no reply for a couple of months. Then one day i got a txt saying stop sending updates. Stop trying to contact me. I no longer want to know you.

I decided to give him some room and see what i could think off next. Im in NZ in Nov. he knows this and has told me not to come to his place. I will anyway. but im running out of ideas.

All the self help places in this case dont help as there is no desire on his part to improve anymore. I cant get him hospitalised as hes not a danger to anyone else and for all his talk of suicide has admitted that he has no interest in hurting himself.

Its been months now and i worry about his health and mental well being. I worry that one day he will find that way to kill himself in a way that he thinks is painless.

What the fuck do i do....
 

Sup42

Warriors 1st Grader
May 7, 2012
18,752
I have a different story. One that has left me very confused and unsure what to do.

I have a friend who lives in Auckland. As you know im in Australia, first part of what makes this difficult.
My friend lives alone in a paid off Apartment just out of the city center. He has no job. He used to contract in IT, and built up savings and a small inheritance means that he has no need to work. However he lives very frugally.
Hes not the most likeable person. Has never to my knowledge had a long term relationship. But hes one of my oldest mates.
He loves being around children and was amazing with mine.
Hes adopted and the marriage fell apart. He was also adopted because they couldnt have kids, and then they had two and has been made to feel like an outsider for many many years.
His brother and sister have both stolen from him.
After paying off his mothers house, her boyfriend moved in and cut him out of her life. They no longer talk.
This is a man whos has cut himself off from everyone. Including me.

I got him to see a doctor who sent him to a shrink. The story he told me was that the shrink told him there was nothing wrong with him and he should get a life (my words and much simplified). It didnt go down well. The doctor had put him on antidepressants and he claimed this adversely affected him and took himself off them. Now he claims extreme Tinnitus from them as a side effect that has not gone away. Its my fault for recommending the dr. Its the drs fault for supplying them. and he hates the shrink.

Recently he told me that if suicide was painless he would have already done it by now. He told me about an assisted suicide clinic in Switzerland that he was thinking of going to. He has had some medical issues but most are resolved and i doubt they would help him. However to make sure that he knew how things stood, while i told him i thought he was wrong for wanting to do this, I said that as i have always been pro choice that i would go with him and stand by his bed as it happened just so he knew that no matter what he was never alone.

He wont come and live here in Aus. Just a blanket no.

My idea seemed to buy a few months but i didnt hear much from him. I thought if i sent him regular updates on what was happening here that it would help him feel part of something.

I got no reply for a couple of months. Then one day i got a txt saying stop sending updates. Stop trying to contact me. I no longer want to know you.

I decided to give him some room and see what i could think off next. Im in NZ in Nov. he knows this and has told me not to come to his place. I will anyway. but im running out of ideas.

All the self help places in this case dont help as there is no desire on his part to improve anymore. I cant get him hospitalised as hes not a danger to anyone else and for all his talk of suicide has admitted that he has no interest in hurting himself.

Its been months now and i worry about his health and mental well being. I worry that one day he will find that way to kill himself in a way that he thinks is painless.

What the fuck do i do....
Gee that's tough. Real tough. I'd be proud to have a mate like you have been for this fellow.

I can't see where you can do anymore than you have.

Your friend sounds like someone who has chronic dysthymia (sad bastards syndrome in irreverent lay terms) so hes had a horrible life and ended up with a negative way of interpreting his life, himself, and the people in it.

While that's what the snapshot you painted sounds like....it may well not be true at all ( dangers of taking pop guesses without getting to know the person).

Anywho.....since you are someone who was committed enough to the mateship....where you would go as far as accompanying someone to an assisted suicide......and since your mate is cutting you off now....

The best advice I can give you ( and any whanau / support people).....is to look after yourself.

I read anxiety and helplessness in your post....I read stress....sadness.....frustration.

That seems to be the cost you are paying for loyalty, love of a mate, empathy and understanding.

This is typically what happens to family and mates of someone who either refuses to see a problem, someone without the capacity to see a problem, someone who sees the problem and either can't see the light at the end of the tunnel....or someone who willfully chooses to be a sad bastard and doesn't want help.....cant be helped.....and perversely enjoys the attention or the damage their rage with life is now inflicting on others.....which sometimes is exclamation marked by their suicide.

You talked about personal choices.

You talked about it being your fault with the Dr.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Many times I've been drawn into a web of someone else's spinning....cried tears to fill an ocean....while ghosts of my past drift at peace away from my mortal angst.
 
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Sup42

Warriors 1st Grader
May 7, 2012
18,752
I’ve got permission from a friend to share his story in the hope that others might seek help if they feel the pressures are getting to much or so you might recognise the signs I missed in him so you might get help for a friend before it gets to late.

Because of work pressures, a very sick child and financial stress, a very close friend chose a couple of weeks ago to drive to a quiet part of the city and try to overdose on sleeping pills and a bottle of red wine.- and he never drinks. When that failed, he tried pain killers and more wine. After that failed, he eventually drove home... 30 hours after leaving home.

Now, somethings are amazing that he’s still alive.... the amount of pills he took would have apparently taken down a horse.... especially when mixed with the alcohol - 12 pills is supposed to be enough to kill you, he took 24!!!! Driving around Auckland during rush hour, it’s a miracle he didn’t kill himself or some one else. And, people in his state, it’s very, very rare they find their way back home. The police had a APB bulletin on him and even had Eagle up looking for his car because his disappearance was so out of character.

He’s now getting counselling and the help he should have found before to help sort out his finances. Part of that was to go down to his bank and get hold of bank statements for his business he’d thrown away.

Some well meaning customer service person from the bank saw him waiting in the queue for a teller and asked if she could help him. He explained that he was there to get copies of his statements. Of she starts on about internet banking and he could print them off himself. By now, he’s starting to get a little annoyed at her and says no, that he just needs them printed off. She says that there would be a fee and he could just do them at home.

By now he’s pissed off and looks her straight in the eye and says, this time last week, I tried to killed myself... all I want is for someone to print of my statements so I can do my tax returns. After the security guard had moved a lot closer, she got one of the tellers to print them off quickly and free of charge.

Anyway, here’s some of the things me and others of his friends missed which you might notice in someone you know and could mean they need your help:
He started to withdraw from his friends and family.
He found it harder and harder to deal with things and would compartmentalise those things he couldn’t deal with.
He always took care of himself but, looking back, we could see where he didn’t seem to care anymore.
He started talking about how others would get on without him.
He found it hard to concentrate.

If you know someone like that, see if they need help. Of course, I’m no mental health expert and others will show different things, but these are what we noticed in him had changed and looking back, should have acted on.

On a side note, the cops were amazing ..... they were constantly in touch with his partner informing them of their progress including finding out about any of his clients who may have had an abandoned building he may have gone too. At one stage, he accidentally phoned home so she dialed 111 after she saw his number come up on caller ID, then she phoned the Sergeant from the local station she’d been dealing with and it had already come up on his computer and he was trying to ping my friend’s cellphone to get a location - didn’t work though as he kept turning it off.
Most cops are amazing when it comes to mental health.

This has come about as a result of a lot of hard work between mental health workers and the police's preparedness to take on board the message.

In the eighties/nineties things weren't so good. I have been at parties back then where Cops are telling stories about 1M's ( police code means one mental)....one occasion Ile never forget....this 'D'was saying " i hit this agro mental cu** and he got back up.....so I dropped him again.....six times mate....six times that schizo retard kept getting up' ( Pissed the wife off....who had had too many and invited this big bull cop to try drop me 6x lol).

I digress . .

In those days the cops weren't getting trained.....more importantly they didn't stick around to see how nurses roll after they delivered someone psychotic and agitated.

Imagine you are a mental health worker.....six big cops drop off some sick person who they've had a massive scrap with.. . they then remove the cuffs and leave you on your own with the person ...job done and all that....

Skip forward to the present day.....cops arrive with the patient and quite often they are doing the talking....quite often they have earned the patients trust. ..quite often they offer to stay and support the mental health staff....
 
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gREVUS

Long live the Rainbows and Butterflies
Contributor
May 8, 2012
8,384
Gee that's tough. Real tough. I'd be proud to have a mate like you have been for this fellow.

I can't see where you can do anymore than you have.

Your friend sounds like someone who has chronic dysthymia (sad bastards syndrome in irreverent lay terms) so hes had a horrible life and ended up with a negative way of interpreting his life, himself, and the people in it.

While that's what the snapshot you painted sounds like....it may well not be true at all ( dangers of taking pop guesses without getting to know the person).

Anywho.....since you are someone who was committed enough to the mateship....where you would go as far as accompanying someone to an assisted suicide......and since your mate is cutting you off now....

The best advice I can give you ( and any whanau / support people).....is to look after yourself.

I read anxiety and helplessness in your post....I read stress....sadness.....frustration.

That seems to be the cost you are paying for loyalty, love of a mate, empathy and understanding.

This is typically what happens to family and mates of someone who either refuses to see a problem, someone without the capacity to see a problem, someone who sees the problem and either can't see the light at the end of the tunnel....or someone who willfully chooses to be a sad bastard and doesn't want help.....cant be helped.....and perversely enjoys the attention or the damage their rage with life is now inflicting on others.....which sometimes is exclamation marked by their suicide.

You talked about personal choices.

You talked about it being your fault with the Dr.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Many times I've been drawn into a web of someone else's spinning....cried tears to fill an ocean....while ghosts of my past drift at peace away from my mortal angst.

Funny enough, i made a choice awhile back that i wouldnt just jump on the plane and fly back and see what i could do. We had some shit happening here and it was a really tuff call. But once made i made the decision, i also decided that i wouldnt let him take me down with him. I would always hold some of my self back in reserve. I needed to preserve myself for my family. At the time i thought it was a bit selfish, but i talked it over a lot with my wife and we both agreed that it was for the best.

Since then i have been worried i did something wrong. I have left some path untraveled that would help him. So ive always got this worry in the back of my head. And with the trip coming up and Mikes post i thought maybe i could get anothers view.

PS i hoped never to have to go with him to Switzerland. My goal was to remind him that hes not alone. That no matter what I will always be there for him. It kinda worked for a little bit.

Thanks for the reply Dave. And thanks Mike for starting the thread.
 

Miket12

Warriors 1st Grader
Apr 20, 2012
9,198

gREVUS gREVUS, when he went missing, a friend sent my mate a link for this song.
 

gREVUS

Long live the Rainbows and Butterflies
Contributor
May 8, 2012
8,384

gREVUS gREVUS, when he went missing, a friend sent my mate a link for this song.
sorry mate, wouldnt work. Hes removed himself from social media, refuses to pay for the internet and i think has moved his cell phone to a cheapy prepay.
 

Miket12

Warriors 1st Grader
Apr 20, 2012
9,198
 

Sup42

Warriors 1st Grader
May 7, 2012
18,752
Simon Bridges made a knob of himself suggesting his former colleagues illness was ' rather embarrassing ' ( inference being that oeople with mental disorders have something to be ashamed of).

Doesn' t Bridges realise Lawyers and politicians are highly psychopathic ( some diagnosable others high end trait carriers).

Knob end you were / are from both proffesions do the maths.

In the end JLR was admitted to a Unit under the MHA ( Mental health act 1992 and its subsequent amendments is the most complicated MHA in the world. Odd and bizarre admendments include adding in a Section 9 - the powers and responsibilities of a duly Authorized officer ( a duly authorised officer is usually a nurse....thereby making a nurse responsible for making sure cops dont kill patients -post the Michael Innes Case) and various other admendments e g Sections 29 (3) (a) and so forth.

Excuse the techno bable but people who have worked in the feild will recognise I know the system and am not some ill informed keyboard guy.

To be placed under the MHA a patient must be believed to be a risk to themselves and must believe the proposed patient to be mentally didordered

Key thing is you cant be comitted if you are cooperating voluntarily wih the services.

Now....the point I wanted to make was this....when confronted by an extremely high profile case, the risk is that clinicians in my experience have a low threshold to tag and bag ( if they get it wrong they're in the shit...and it is very easy to get it wrong).

To hear this individual was quickly released suggests they were seen to be in an immediate short lived crisis rather than your stereo typed crazy person.

One aspect ive nevee heard raised by media through this is the spooky part....the part of our past and some dogey countries present....where political dissidents were sent to the nut bin to silence them.

I would have thought this case would have raised a timely reminder of the potential threat of systems and states to abuse power and discredit the individual.

Interesting times....and an interesting case which one day will be debated by experts in the feild.
 
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mrblonde

Warriors 1st Grader
Apr 14, 2012
3,746
Auckland
Chris Trotter makes an interesting observation in that regard:
http://bowalleyroad.blogspot.com/2018/10/questions-questions-questions.html

Chris is typically more to the left than I am but I follow him because he'll occasionally throw a curve ball that you don't expect from a "leftie".

I'd like to see the female MP JLR had an affair with raise her head and be upfront - apparantly it was a text from him to her that led to the sectioning. After she'd sent a text to him that was extremely abusive, apparantly.
 
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bruce

Warriors 1st Grader
Contributor
Sep 1, 2015
16,156
Doesn' t Bridges realise Lawyers and politicians are highly psychopathic ( some diagnosable others high end trait carriers).
Bridges is a lawyer so he would have to self diagnose.:D

Actually I should apologise for that last remark because although I ALWAYS laugh at lawyers jokes I have a few (only a few) very good friends who are lawyers and they are loyal league fans as well.

I only found this thread yesterday. Mental health is a major topic that governments have always taken too lightly and like to treat with the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff.

I think it was Sup42 who commented about cops in the past taking the mickey out of mental patients. I can assure you that Police back then were trained well and truly to treat mental health sufferers with the utmost dignity and respect. I have never heard of a cop doing anything to the contrary although I accept some may have. They sure would be in a minority.

Personally I have been saddened in having to deal with mental health issues. People who are good, intelligent souls who have an imbalance, often biochemical that means they are not viewed as "normal" I paraphrase that because just WTF is "normal" anyway. The absolute worst thing that can be done is to isolate them from society, and I think modern psychiatry realises that now.

The barbarity that has gone on in the past e.g. shock treatment at Oakley and other places is just mind boggling for a so called civilised society.

Rant over.
 
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dean

1st Grade Fringe
Mar 13, 2016
1,095
Bridges is a lawyer so he would have to self diagnose.:D

Actually I should apologise for that last remark because although I ALWAYS laugh at lawyers jokes I have a few (only a few) very good friends who are lawyers and they are loyal league fans as well.

I only found this thread yesterday. Mental health is a major topic that governments have always taken too lightly and like to treat with the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff.

I think it was Sup42 who commented about cops in the past taking the mickey out of mental patients. I can assure you that Police back then were trained well and truly to treat mental health sufferers with the utmost dignity and respect. I have never heard of a cop doing anything to the contrary although I accept some may have. They sure would be in a minority.

Personally I have been saddened in having to deal with mental health issues. People who are good, intelligent souls who have an imbalance, often biochemical that means they are not viewed as "normal" I paraphrase that because just WTF is "normal" anyway. The absolute worst thing that can be done is to isolate them from society, and I think modern psychiatry realises that now.

The barbarity that has gone on in the past e.g. shock treatment at Oakley and other places is just mind boggling for a so called civilised society.

Rant over.
I agree but there are many suffering mental health issues that have know where to go due to the closures of the likes of Oakley. Some can cope in mainstream but some simply can't and have been left to fend for themselves or hope family can manage.
 
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bruce

Warriors 1st Grader
Contributor
Sep 1, 2015
16,156
I agree but there are many suffering mental health issues that have know where to go due to the closures of the likes of Oakley. Some can cope in mainstream but some simply can't and have been left to fend for themselves or hope family can manage.
Yes, and some spend a lot of their time in the Auckland tourist spots. The whole health system is under pressure and mental health even more so. There is a lot more that can be done earlier i.e. in the education system to alleviate problems later on. However the education system is almost as bad as the health system.
 

Miket12

Warriors 1st Grader
Apr 20, 2012
9,198
Some people have noticed that I haven't been contributing very much to the forum lately.

Firstly, I tend not too come on here as much when after the Warriors lose but, more importantly, I've been struggling quite a bit lately.

The guy I mentioned in the first post tried to take his own life again. He had a close group of people, including myself, looking out for him and he'd been continuing with his counseling but still didn't tell us that he was slipping back into a very "dark space". Fortunately, he choose to end it all in a reasonably public place and some passersby saw what was about to happen and intervened.

For goodness sake, if you need help, seek it out. If you want someone to listen to you, I'm only a PM away. I don't have all the answers and I'm not trained but I'm a good listener and now know of some good people I could direct you too, especially in the Auckland area.
 

WA supporter

1st Grade Fringe
Contributor
Mar 18, 2017
407
Perth
Without trying to make light of this subject of which I have more than a passing interest in. I wrote on another link earlier in the evening where I would lay low until something/one upsets me. Well I’m upset. Though I have lived in Australia for more than 20 years,I keep a cursory eye on what happen back home. Without trying to sound like a communist or a socialist. I struggle to understand how successive govts of all stripes since this ‘neo liberalism’ race to the bottom we as a race seem to be hurtling towards with absolute relish. When are we as a race (homo sapien),going to tell the political parties that we cannot gone ignoring that 25% of humans,(I’m using ‘70’s research) suffer some form of mental disorder(s) in our lifetime. Multi national pharmaceutical companies have swayed govts though lobbyists to do their bidding as so to increase returns to shareholders at the expense of the ‘plebs and serfs’. Code for you and I,I have no doubt that I’m not the only person here who has had their life affected by someone close to them that being drugged up to the eyeballs with drugs recreational or otherwise. Only for these people to flip out and harm themselves or somebody else. Sometimes with fatal outcomes and what happens? The person is incarcerated filled up with more drugs and then swept under the carpet never to be heard from again. It’s a cop out to blame society for all our ills. It’s up to all of us to say tai hoa. Greed is not good never was never will be. Why do we choose to live communally? Because that’s how we’re hard wired so again,I ask why are we allowing those who need our help the most to fall to the wayside? The ugly truth to my way of thinking is that we’ve become to self absorbed too wrapped up in own 1/4 acre of the world and fuck any other prick until the shit hits the fan. Look to the U.S as an example with their gun problems. I’m not an expert, but it seems a great deal of these killing are perpetuated by people with mental health issues?! Ask yourself what have I done to make my elected representatives to do about increasing funding to mental health? Probably the same as me FUCK ALL. That’s what not all of you but I bet most of you are in the same boat as me. It doesn’t make it right. Look to this young girl G Thunberg is doing with global warming?! The point I’m trying to make is the longest journey starts with the first step. Mental health issues won’t go away by sticking our collective fingers in our ears and singing out loud at least not thus far. We as a species probably won’t be around in 200 years time unless we draw a line in the sand and demand governance for all not the few. I’m not advocating a revolution but this road we’re on now is a dead end street. Again,I don’t have the answers but filling people up with drugs only mask the problems not solve them. Whilst I have personal issues which I don’t need to go into here with the police force but am first to tip my hat to them with what they have to deal with on a daily basis. Thank you. P.S To those of you that lent an ear someone who’s need it and saved a life of a friend or even a stranger,I salute you!!
 

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