General Funny or frustrating work situations

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snake77

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We have all probably had managers or been in work situations where mangers have made weird decisions. Or Been it situations that have made you feel like you are in a comedy show.

A thread to outline weird or funny situations you've encountered in your work life or vent frustrations.
 
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snake77

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A company I worked for had laid off a lot of stuff to cut costs. A year later the NZ office hosted a big Asia Pacific Conference for all of the management from the region.

I work in IT and we get a call logged about putting computers and phones and the empty desks.

I ask what its about and get the response from one of the assistants that it looks bad for the department head with all of the empty desks so we will put in fake desks. I then get told they will pretend those people will be out seeing clients that is why they are not in the office.

I ask if the phones and network connections need to work. Hey they are doing this to make themselves look good but if one of these overseas managers needs to use the phone and it doesn't work it makes me look bad.
 
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snake77

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We used to split our department out into two shifts one 7:30-3:30 and another 9-5.

One of my work mates used to have the messiest desk you could ever imagine. When he'd leave at 3:30 we would get bored and put anything around the office we weren't sure of things like screws, nuts and bolts, a compass on his desk.

During the day we would talk to the guy and look at his desk to see he had been playing with the crap we have been putting on his desk and moving it around into little piles.

A few times when the office was quiet you could hear him yell. "Where does this shit come from" or "Oh look a compass".
 
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A guy in a department I used to work came down stairs and was wandering around. I asked him if I could help, he wanted directions to a guys office.

I take him there and then watch as he starts to write a note apologizing for falling asleep during the guys presentation.

I laughed and said you fell asleep. Got an excuse.

I go up to see my old workmates and pretty much everyone in the department I talked to went into hysterics describing how he was up the front right next to the guy presenting but was snoring his head off. Winston Peters would say he was in deep concentration.
 
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Sup42

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The first secure unit job I applied for was a long, shot. Didn’t have much work experience to back it up, being young and dumb I stuck every certificate I ever earned in my CV.

There were things like school class councillor, intermediate school speech contest winner. AFS member.

Bit embarrassing really. Anyway what caught the bosses eye was these two certificates I had in Taekwondo.

They were the real shiney Korean certificates with elaborate gold lettering, cool patterns and what not, they looked really impressive.

I got them when I was ten and eleven.

Anyway the boss goes "I see you have martial arts certificates that say you have reached the ninth and eight grades" (Yellow belt and Green tip, the Koreans counted them backwards).

"Yeah that's right"

"Can you start Wednesday? pop upstairs and tell Maureen I sent you, get her to issue you with a uniform and a key".

So anyway, sitting around at work, the Unit is really quiet, blokes are moving out of my way and nodding nervously.

One of them goes "Glad to have you on board, boss told us you are a Ninth Dan in Taekwondo, fuck yeah, we told this lot in all" he says eyeing the trouble makers.
I wanted to quit there and then, told the guy the truth, he just said "Yeah yeah modesty is part of your training I get it".
.
 
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Sup42

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Worked as an orderly fresh out of school.

Took this posh lady to and from theatre, sadly she was having a leg amputation.

This old codger who looked like Igor, was helping me to roll her back to her ward minus a leg. Unlike me he didnt know what operation she had.

The old guy goes "You alright deary? you're just in time for lunch, might be something nice like leg of lamb"

The look on that poor ladies face . . .
 
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surfin

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I used to pick up one of the guys that worked for me each morning, my van was coming up for a WOF, so before he jumps in I say can you check the brake lights for me.
His answer "Sure, front or back?" On the bright side he did realise the second the words left his mouth.

Same guy, different day, I had one of those ladders that fold right down, He was putting it away one day and says to me, "This things just as heavy when it's folded up as it is when it's extended."

Asked a young guy to put some boxing in the bottom of a hole that was going to have a concrete pad poured to make a floor, it had rained so there was water sitting in the bottom. He asks me what height he should make the top of the boxing, so I just say put it in at the same height as the water in the hole. He then proceeds to ask me how will he know if it's level as he didn't have one with him.
 
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I used to pick up one of the guys that worked for me each morning, my van was coming up for a WOF, so before he jumps in I say can you check the brake lights for me.
His answer "Sure, front or back?" On the bright side he did realise the second the words left his mouth.

Same guy, different day, I had one of those ladders that fold right down, He was putting it away one day and says to me, "This things just as heavy when it's folded up as it is when it's extended."

Asked a young guy to put some boxing in the bottom of a hole that was going to have a concrete pad poured to make a floor, it had rained so there was water sitting in the bottom. He asks me what height he should make the top of the boxing, so I just say put it in at the same height as the water in the hole. He then proceeds to ask me how will he know if it's level as he didn't have one with him.
Your kid sounds like an Auckland Warrior.

Your real name isn’t Stephen Kearney by any chance?
 
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Miket12

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Years ago, I was doing some drawings for this very elderly lady who wanted to put a granny flat on to the rear of her section so she could live in that and rent the house out to one of her grandchildren. That way should could still stay in the same neighbourhood, look after her garden she'd spent growing and have the security of a family member close at hand.

Because it was a really small area that we were able to located the granny flat and it was quite close to the boundary, I arranged for a surveyor to come and set out the location of the granny flat.

Anyway, the building got up to the point where the roof was on and we called the surveyor back out to certify that it still complied with the height in relation to boundary requirements.... and it didn't.

The pooh hit the fan.... I was checking my drawings to make sure I hadn't made a mistake, the surveyor checked and rechecked both the height and the positioning of the granny flat and the builder was assuring as he used the pegs as set out by the surveyor.

Then the old lady admitted what she had done. When she saw that part of the granny flat was going to be built over some of her favourite roses bushes, she came out and moved the pegs by a few hundreds millimeters after the builder had gone home.

It cost her two bottles of whiskey for the neighbour to give his permission for the height in relation to boundary infringement.

Morale of the story.... whatever you do, never design a place which will mean the destruction of an old lady's rose bushes!!!
 
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surfin

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Years ago, I was doing some drawings for this very elderly lady who wanted to put a granny flat on to the rear of her section so she could live in that and rent the house out to one of her grandchildren. That way should could still stay in the same neighbourhood, look after her garden she'd spent growing and have the security of a family member close at hand.

Because it was a really small area that we were able to located the granny flat and it was quite close to the boundary, I arranged for a surveyor to come and set out the location of the granny flat.

Anyway, the building got up to the point where the roof was on and we called the surveyor back out to certify that it still complied with the height in relation to boundary requirements.... and it didn't.

The pooh hit the fan.... I was checking my drawings to make sure I hadn't made a mistake, the surveyor checked and rechecked both the height and the positioning of the granny flat and the builder was assuring as he used the pegs as set out by the surveyor.

Then the old lady admitted what she had done. When she saw that part of the granny flat was going to be built over some of her favourite roses bushes, she came out and moved the pegs by a few hundreds millimeters after the builder had gone home.

It cost her two bottles of whiskey for the neighbour to give his permission for the height in relation to boundary infringement.

Morale of the story.... whatever you do, never design a place which will mean the destruction of an old lady's rose bushes!!!
The thing with that is, it's not even uncommon for shit like that.

The guy I replaced at the company I'm currently with ordered and replaced the roof on the neighbours garage, luckily the guy was happy to pay for it as his was due for replacement anyway.

Years ago when I first started building we were doing two little flats in Hamilton for Housing Corp, the one closest to the road was to be wheel chair access, back in the day before everything was done to suit, unfortunately when they were set out the boss had the site plan around the wrong way, no one ever picked it up that what was built was the mirror image of what was wanted.

Similar story, we were doing 2 more in fill units for the Housing Corp, something they started doing on all the 1/4 acre sections when they wanted more housing but didn't want to buy land. When we had everything profiled the neighbours house was barely a metre away. again after checking everything we were where we were meant to be. Turns out the neighbour had asked a mate that was learning to be a surveyor to find his boundaries years earlier when he wanted to do an extension. His mate had generously given him about 2 metres more land than he owned.

The brother of one of the guys I work with turned up one weekend years ago, to look at his new house being built, apparently things had gone along quite well, floor down and frames and trusses up, unfortunately it was on the section next door to his. Luckily it was a new sub division so the other owner was ok to do a property swap as they were virtually the same piece of land anyway.
 
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Years ago, I was doing some drawings for this very elderly lady who wanted to put a granny flat on to the rear of her section so she could live in that and rent the house out to one of her grandchildren. That way should could still stay in the same neighbourhood, look after her garden she'd spent growing and have the security of a family member close at hand.

Because it was a really small area that we were able to located the granny flat and it was quite close to the boundary, I arranged for a surveyor to come and set out the location of the granny flat.

Anyway, the building got up to the point where the roof was on and we called the surveyor back out to certify that it still complied with the height in relation to boundary requirements.... and it didn't.

The pooh hit the fan.... I was checking my drawings to make sure I hadn't made a mistake, the surveyor checked and rechecked both the height and the positioning of the granny flat and the builder was assuring as he used the pegs as set out by the surveyor.

Then the old lady admitted what she had done. When she saw that part of the granny flat was going to be built over some of her favourite roses bushes, she came out and moved the pegs by a few hundreds millimeters after the builder had gone home.

It cost her two bottles of whiskey for the neighbour to give his permission for the height in relation to boundary infringement.

Morale of the story.... whatever you do, never design a place which will mean the destruction of an old lady's rose bushes!!!
Bloody old grannies and their rose bushes aye....bless her
 
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Sup42

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I used to pick up one of the guys that worked for me each morning, my van was coming up for a WOF, so before he jumps in I say can you check the brake lights for me.
His answer "Sure, front or back?" On the bright side he did realise the second the words left his mouth.

Same guy, different day, I had one of those ladders that fold right down, He was putting it away one day and says to me, "This things just as heavy when it's folded up as it is when it's extended."

Asked a young guy to put some boxing in the bottom of a hole that was going to have a concrete pad poured to make a floor, it had rained so there was water sitting in the bottom. He asks me what height he should make the top of the boxing, so I just say put it in at the same height as the water in the hole. He then proceeds to ask me how will he know if it's level as he didn't have one with him.
Your story about the cars break lights, reminded me of the time I was dating this Nurse. Not a work story directly, but I did hold fear for her patients.

I was driving along the loose metal windy road in Kauaeranga Valley (Surfin will know it) this road is edged by a River in parts and if you screw up you're in a lot of shit like lots of metal roads.

There was a white car behind us, somewhere in the dust clouds.

My companion goes "You're not using your rear view mirror".

"Yeah I am".

So . . . she covers both my eyes with her hand and says "What colour is the car behind you?" . . .
 
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surfin

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I was driving along the loose metal windy road in Kauaeranga Valley
My story about Kauaeranga Valley is scarier than that, luckily I was not there at the time.

One of my mates was living up there, so one summers day years ago, him his missus and a few mates are up at the swimming hole, anyway ex Greens leader Jeanette Fitzsimons and her husband arrive to have a swim, no big deal until they both completely strip off and go swimming in the bollocky, he said even that was ok as the could just ignore them as most of the time they were both under the water, but he said when the ol boy stood up in waist deep water and she swam towards him like Bruce out of Jaws looking to swallow any piece of meat floating near the surface they decided even that was too dodgy and swimming in the ocean with a real Great White was less disturbing.

Dodgy work story about her, they have a little farm up that way, in the middle of a total fire ban her and hubby decide to light a fire to clear scrub or rubbish or some fuckin thing. When the fire brigade turn up to put it out and then fine her she said they shouldn't as she knew how to control her burn off because she was an enviromentalist or some such bullshit. She also used to drive a shitty little smoke belching Datsun 120Y (still might) and claimed she didn't need a new car because of global warming etc. Stupid bitch my FPV Falcon used less fuel and was cleaner burning than that piece of shit.

Fuckin unshaven hippy.


NEW ZEALAND
Green leader burns as firemen fume
6 Jan, 2006 1:03am
3 minutes to read
By: Simon O'Rourke


Greens leader Jeanette Fitzsimons and her husband, Harry Parke, are in hot water with the Thames Fire Service for breaching a strict fire ban on New Year's Eve, but they have escaped prosecution.

Fire officers are furious that during days of high winds, which can fan fires, they had to attend a weekend callout in the Kauaeranga Valley, part of the Coromandel that has significant patches of dense native bush and pine forest.

Mr Parke told the Herald he had started the fire, which Ms Fitzsimons said was used to burn off gorse. "There was a very tiny gorse fire which was out by the time they [Fire Service] got there," she said. "I guess the neighbours further up the valley saw the smoke and didn't know what it was."

She admitted to knowing that a fire ban was on. The Fire Service had also warned her and Mr Parke about the ban while at the property.

"Oh, it's probably a bad thing because of the fire ban, even though it burned for maybe 10 minutes, and then was totally out and was nowhere near anything else that could possibly catch," Ms Fitzsimons said.

Open burning during a ban probably sent the wrong message to people, she said, although conditions were "dead still and it had rained over-night. We've never had anything get out of control because we understand the conditions."

Neighbour David Marsden said he thought his neighbours were "mad" lighting a fire while the winds were so high.

"It was pretty windy, mate. It was a windy westerly wind and we thought the whole peninsula could go up.

"It would have had to back-burn a little bit to get in to the main lot but it doesn't take much for a spark to fly in the air and land again.

"We were actually quite surprised to see it burning, because we look straight on to his place. We thought he's taking a risk and then five minutes later we saw a fire engine arrive."

A Thames Fire Service spokesman said it was "stupidity lighting a fire" a waste of the volunteers' time.

He said Ms Fitzsimons and Mr Parke should have known better, "especially for who they are".

Thames Coromandel District fire officer Allan Gamble said people could be taken to court for breaches of the fire ban.

The maximum sentence was imprisonment for up to six months, or a fine of up to $2000.

Mr Gamble said Mr Parke had claimed he was not aware of the ban, so was issued a stern warning only.
 
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gREVUS

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My story about Kauaeranga Valley is scarier than that, luckily I was not there at the time.

One of my mates was living up there, so one summers day years ago, him his missus and a few mates are up at the swimming hole, anyway ex Greens leader Jeanette Fitzsimons and her husband arrive to have a swim, no big deal until they both completely strip off and go swimming in the bollocky, he said even that was ok as the could just ignore them as most of the time they were both under the water, but he said when the ol boy stood up in waist deep water and she swam towards him like Bruce out of Jaws looking to swallow any piece of meat floating near the surface they decided even that was too dodgy and swimming in the ocean with a real Great White was less disturbing.

Dodgy work story about her, they have a little farm up that way, in the middle of a total fire ban her and hubby decide to light a fire to clear scrub or rubbish or some fuckin thing. When the fire brigade turn up to put it out and then fine her she said they shouldn't as she knew how to control her burn off because she was an enviromentalist or some such bullshit. She also used to drive a shitty little smoke belching Datsun 120Y (still might) and claimed she didn't need a new car because of global warming etc. Stupid bitch my FPV Falcon used less fuel and was cleaner burning than that piece of shit.

Fuckin unshaven hippy.


NEW ZEALAND
Green leader burns as firemen fume
6 Jan, 2006 1:03am
3 minutes to read
By: Simon O'Rourke


Greens leader Jeanette Fitzsimons and her husband, Harry Parke, are in hot water with the Thames Fire Service for breaching a strict fire ban on New Year's Eve, but they have escaped prosecution.

Fire officers are furious that during days of high winds, which can fan fires, they had to attend a weekend callout in the Kauaeranga Valley, part of the Coromandel that has significant patches of dense native bush and pine forest.

Mr Parke told the Herald he had started the fire, which Ms Fitzsimons said was used to burn off gorse. "There was a very tiny gorse fire which was out by the time they [Fire Service] got there," she said. "I guess the neighbours further up the valley saw the smoke and didn't know what it was."

She admitted to knowing that a fire ban was on. The Fire Service had also warned her and Mr Parke about the ban while at the property.

"Oh, it's probably a bad thing because of the fire ban, even though it burned for maybe 10 minutes, and then was totally out and was nowhere near anything else that could possibly catch," Ms Fitzsimons said.

Open burning during a ban probably sent the wrong message to people, she said, although conditions were "dead still and it had rained over-night. We've never had anything get out of control because we understand the conditions."

Neighbour David Marsden said he thought his neighbours were "mad" lighting a fire while the winds were so high.

"It was pretty windy, mate. It was a windy westerly wind and we thought the whole peninsula could go up.

"It would have had to back-burn a little bit to get in to the main lot but it doesn't take much for a spark to fly in the air and land again.

"We were actually quite surprised to see it burning, because we look straight on to his place. We thought he's taking a risk and then five minutes later we saw a fire engine arrive."

A Thames Fire Service spokesman said it was "stupidity lighting a fire" a waste of the volunteers' time.

He said Ms Fitzsimons and Mr Parke should have known better, "especially for who they are".

Thames Coromandel District fire officer Allan Gamble said people could be taken to court for breaches of the fire ban.

The maximum sentence was imprisonment for up to six months, or a fine of up to $2000.

Mr Gamble said Mr Parke had claimed he was not aware of the ban, so was issued a stern warning only.
Never while I was in charge, but it was unfortunately quite common for the CFA, the fire brigade that I was a member of, to light scrub clearing fires and lose control, or to start a burn back and lose control or... well you get the point. Just before the practise was banned, they started to call us the Fire brigade, but I dont think they were referring to the ones we put out.

Funny story, not really true, probably...
 
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I got a sales guys laptop back from repair. I spoke to him letting know it was back and I'll copy the data across from the temporary one he had.

half way through the copy stops. I try and connect again and it fails.

I go to talk to him and he's packing up ready to go for the day with the laptop I'm trying to copy from in his bag ready to go with him.

Me "Hey I'm trying to copy the data back onto your laptop"
Him "Thanks I really appreciate the work you are doing"
Me "Thanks all good, where is the laptop"
Him "In my bag here I'm off for the day"
Me "To get the data from one machine to the other there needs to be a connection between the two machines"
Him o_O
Me "They need to be on"
Him "Oh"
 
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Snake77 I wanted to reply with "Wack his Pee Pee" but was afraid not many people would get the reference anymore.

So here - for context
 
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Asked a young guy to put some boxing in the bottom of a hole that was going to have a concrete pad poured to make a floor, it had rained so there was water sitting in the bottom. He asks me what height he should make the top of the boxing, so I just say put it in at the same height as the water in the hole. He then proceeds to ask me how will he know if it's level as he didn't have one with him.
Backfires if you go home over night and he gets back in the hole next day to finish after 20mm of rain 😂
 
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snake77

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We had security issues in the building where people could get into the stair well after hours. They figured out with a crowbar they could open the doors from the stairwell and get into the office.

We got a steel plate put around the door handle. That created better leverage.

We then get the steel plate to go the full length of the door.

We had someone cut their foot on the steal attached to the door. So we get signs that the doors now come out further than they did before due to the steel. Besides the injury that always made me laugh as any door you have encountered in life you allow enough space for the size of the door when you open it. But somehow these ones were now tricky.
 
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My first job we weren't supposed to have customers calling us. They were supposed to call their Account Manager who would call the QA department to follow it up.

We had the company function so everyone was out or heading out to get on the drink. Well everyone except me.:( Think I got a day in lieu latter as even though our system was shot and we were behind the department head didn't realise someone was left behind.

While everyone was heading out the phone rings with a customer wanting his data.

Me "everyone is out."
Angry guy "That's great I'm waiting for my data, well who the hell are you"
Me "Err ah err, I'm the cleaner"
 
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I had a bloke working for me who was a real ignorant lazy sod. Wouldn’t take responsibility for anything even though he managed a team of 10. Sat drinking tea. He had his own little office in a nearby building so I told him he had to come and work in the office next to mine, he wasn’t keen on the idea and kept asking why and delayed moving. He went on a fortnights holiday and I was so pissed off I got the builders in and had his office demolished while he was away and a new reception area created. I even had my marketing colleagues do some social media about the new reception area for the benefit of the building tenants.

Lazy boy came back to a proper shock
 
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