General Comedy

danpatmac_old

Guest
Daniel Kitson is hillarious...

[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbUqhxPGFXY[/YOUTUBE]

[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhsIW_bZsos[/YOUTUBE]
 
Last edited by a moderator:

2big2strong_old

Guest
Here's one for spence.



A priest, an ophthalmologist, and an engineer were golfing one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys?
We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in,
"I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said,
"Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,
so we let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said,
"That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for them."

The ophthalmologist added, "Good idea. And maybe I could examine
them to see if there's anything I can do for them."

They were silent for a moment.*

Then the engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

*
 
  • Haha
Reactions: Sup42 and bruce

Spence_old

Guest
Haha, yeah, I've heard that one a few times now. Pretty good. I just spent the past 10 minutes looking up engineering jokes... there is no good ones. Absolutely terrible.
 

cornelius_sulla_old

Guest
Sick Bill Hicks is one of my faves. Richard Pryor of course, Eddie Murphy in his Raw/Delirious period, Billy Connolly until he started cruising the world on trikes and talking about it.
I like Noel Fielding at the moment. The Mighty Boosh is the most random show in the world. 7 days is always worth a laugh too.
 

scottyb_old

Guest
A single lady wanted to get pregnant but was unable to find anyone to help her so she went to the doctor to seek help.

"Doc, I really wanna have children but I'm single and cant find anyone who is willing to be the father. What can I do?"

"No problem young lady, we have a new trial drug we are experimenting with which gaurantees results. Would you be willing to be a trial subject?"

"Most definately."

"How many children would you like to have?"

"Three boy's, I really want three boy's"

"OK, take these 3 pills after you have your dinner tonight and in 9 months time you will have 3 beautiful bouncing boy's"

The doctor handed over 3 pills that looked like little ball bearings.

"Doctor, these look like ball bearings. If I eat these how will I expel them?"

"When the boys are ready the pill will pass out through their system in a normal manner"

Feeling better now that she had a chance of getting pregnant she went home and ate dinner then swallowed the 3 pills. Sure enough, 9 months later she gave birth to 3 heathy boys.
When the boys were about 5 yrs old one of them came running into their mums room yelling

"Mummy mummy, i was have a pee and a ball bearing came out."

"Dont worry about it son, its perfectly natural"

When the second boy was 10 he came running into his mums room yelling

"Mummy mummy, i was having a pee and a ball bearing came out"

"Dont worry about it son, its perfectly natural"

When the third boy was 16 he came running into his mums room yelling
"Mummy mummy"

The mother replied

"I know son, you were having a pee and a ball bearing came out."

"No,,,,,,I was having a wank and I shot the dog!!!"
 

Spence_old

Guest
Sick Bill Hicks is one of my faves. Richard Pryor of course, Eddie Murphy in his Raw/Delirious period, Billy Connolly until he started cruising the world on trikes and talking about it.
I like Noel Fielding at the moment. The Mighty Boosh is the most random show in the world. 7 days is always worth a laugh too.

I love the Boosh/Noel/Julian.
 

snake77

Warriors 1st Grader
Jul 12, 2013
9,941
Auckland
This thread hasn't seen any action in a long time. The world lost a great comedian this week in Norm MacDonald.

I remember a guy with a drawl doing voices on different animated movies and looked him up a few months back. Sad seeing the news this week.

Lost his battle with cancer. He did a bit how people now list someones death as losing their battle. The last thing they did was lose. Also cancer beats you. He countered you die, the cancer dies so its a draw.

He was a staple on late night talk shows. This one is popular with Courtnet Thorne Smith there to promoe a movie called Chairman of the Board.

 

snake77

Warriors 1st Grader
Jul 12, 2013
9,941
Auckland
Norm MacDonald was also known for ripping into OJ Simpson while the trial was on.

Even did a speech and told one footballer you are a Heisman trophy winner no one can take that away from you. Well unless you kill your wife.

 
  • Haha
Reactions: Worried2Death

snake77

Warriors 1st Grader
Jul 12, 2013
9,941
Auckland
That's gold. Like something you would see in a TV show with the searchers realising this helpful dude looks like the guy on the picture they are using to identify the person.
 
  • Haha
Reactions: Noitall

Last Game

27 Aug

16 - 28
5.6 Total Avg Rating
0.0 Your Avg Rating

Highest Rated Player

Lowest Rated Player

Compiled from 5 ratings